random ponderings...

yeap i know... this is a weekend full of posts..... well i've been on hiatus for quite a while so it's not strange if my thoughts start pouring in all of a sudden right?? =D brace yourselves, this is going to be a loooong one.

climbed out of bed at 6+ to see marietta off at the airport today. and i saw an entourage of people there just to see her off! haha. but who can blame us for becoming traffic obstruction. she's afterall leaving home for 2 long years. and she's such a sweet cheery thing. i sure am going to miss her though we've only known each other for a short 3 months. the poor girl and her friends were all teary... makes me wanna sob too.

on my way home i heard this almost 10-year-old song that i loved during my sec school days -- s club 7's reach.

then it kindda set me thinking, you know, being saggitarius and all, with all our optimistic nature, am i being too idealistic sometimes?

i mean, i kindda think i'm still living in the "you can count on me i will be there for you" and the "we've got to all stick together, good friends there for each other. never ever forget that i've got you and you've got me." kind of "reality"

and i admit that i do gauge people with the standards i set for myself. afterall, i'm only human, and humans do that right?? hence the arguements with you guys know who. i mean, throughout the quarrel thingy it got me thinking a few times that just maybe, i'm really quite a horrible friend or something.

you know that's one of the things i hate about him. he always makes me feel like a lesser being. like i'm not good enough or something to deserve such treatment from him. but anyway that's beside the point.

then i think back, but i do have friends who do cherish me and make me feel cherished, even in my darkest hours. friends that i can thank whatever higher being there is up there for. (i think you all should know by now that i am not the least bit religious.) friends who can make me laugh when i all i want to do is to cry till the skies crumble. (oh yes and during those times i do hope that there are indeed higher beings up there so i can thank them properly.)

then i can't be that bad a friend right?

and since i only have problems with one individual. i guess it all boils down to how we value our ties differently. (as rong has so kindly pointed out to me. haha.)

oh well... honestly, i really think all that don't matter now. cos i've lost the energy already when it comes to somebody. though apparently somebody didn't quite like it when i said that in his face. ouch.

coming soon.......

i've decided to sneak a few picts of my charges, which also happen to be namesakes of a few of my friends... heehee... though i doubt i'm supposed to take pictures of them....

heez... remember to check back soon~ =P

growl....

of all the il divo songs i found, only ONE is in english.....

but still.... i promised myself i'll buy their cds to play in my car when i finally get one. muahaha....

it's kindda strange.....

going for my very first science symposium on monday.

the feeling's kindda weird. it's like, i kindda feel like i'm a real scientist. haha. i mean, it's a THREE DAY conference where i get to hear people share about their latest findings.

it's so exciting and yet so surreal at the same time.

if anybody's interested to know, being a scientist used to be one of my many childhood dreams. haha. it just struck me one day while waiting in the air shower that i'm actually living my childhood dream.

that was like so... WOW. i've actually accomplished something i used to dream of, without even realising it. haha. kindda interesting. gives a whole new meaning to the things i'm doing.

though i still have to say this is really not the life i want on a long-term basis, but at least 20 years down the road i can tell my kids that mummy used to be a scientist. although for a very short time. heeez :P kindda impressive to kids??

Regarding the previous post.....

ok this is just for the records. for those who have tried everything to make us patch things up.

we're on truce. this is the only thing we've managed to agree on in months.

babes, bear in mind. this i'm doing for all your sakes.

i do have my doubts about this friendship. though SOMEBODY claims he still treasures the friendship, i really have difficulties believing it. but since he took the step this time, i shall not be unreasonable and give him the benefit of the doubt. we'll see how things go from here.

That's it! I'VE HAD ENOUGH!

that's the final straw. from now on, don't you EVER dare to expect ANYTHING from me ever.

carry on acting the victim, go on victimising yourself. say what you like. like i care! you can carry on trying to turn my friends against me. those that can allow themselves to be swayed by you probably weren't genuinely my friends in the first place. if they were, they would have understood me better than to have been manipulated by you in the first place.

how dare you go around telling people you feel hurt by my comments. YOU FEEL HURT? then what gives you the right to say those things and inflict the pain that i felt? so you have the right to inflict pain and i have no right to retaliate??

who did you think you were??

if i were really the one entirely at fault WHY HAVE YOU NO GUTS TO FACE ME?

you deserve everything i've done.

i have no idea what got into me to be your friend again after the last time. how stupid of me to allow myself to cry over and over again because of your actions. you don't deserve my tears. you're not worth my effort.

you want to be childish? you want to do stupid things? FINE! i shall pay you in your own coin. i've done just as YOU threatened to do. i've gotten rid of all your contacts. i've BLOCKED AND DELETED you on msn. all you have are WORDS. i put them into ACTION. how's that for a change?

this time, i want you to get out of my life. and get out for good.